Kitschy flower pot lamp

Just because something is retro (and I'm a big fan of retro), doesn’t always mean it’s awesome.  Case in point: 



Kim says: You know how when you go thrift store shopping you revamp everything in your mind - cause it's cheap - and with just a little paint it could be perfect - well, I just can't think of anything a person could do to ramp this up to "awesome" - sometimes there's just no hope...

Big Boy Burger Baby

The first thing I thought of when I saw this little guy was the mascot for Bob’s Big Boy Burgers -

Kim says: Yup...him LUVS his burgers!!

Lisa thinks: Maybe he pukes when you squeeze him! Waaaa!

Imagine my surprise when I squeezed him.  And he squeaked.  LOUDLY!  It was at that moment when I suddenly understood my dog’s fear of squeaky toys.  -C

Welcome to the Dollhouse

I know, I know. you all must be sick of my doll posts by now. But they’re just so easy to find! Creepy dolls are everywhere. Here’s a sampling of our recent finds:

What the hell happened to her arm??

yeah – no comment.  He just creeps me out.  In fact – this picture doesn’t capture the amount of creepy in his little face – which is sad – because you would so understand what I meant if you saw him.  damn the shortcomings of hastily taken photographs.  



Once again – photos don’t do this chick justice.  She looked like she wanted to kill you with her unfocused eyes.

Lisa thinks: That second guy is up to no good! He's got such a silly look on his face. The girls are just freaky-deaky! Eww. In fact, I'm not even sure this one at the bottom is a girl. . . girl dress, girl hair, freaky ass face. Wow!

Kim says: I just never know what to write when it comes to dolls...there are too many words and not enough at the same time...

Miscellaneous Knick-Knackery

Like I’ve previously mentioned – you’re bound to find some craziness in the knick-knack dept of your local thrift store. Here are some recent finds that prove that point

Disapproving cat is disapproving.


What in the hell is the purpose of this??


Yes, I know.  A clown.  (sigh)  Bear with me people.  Especially clown loving people.  I mean no harm.  Really.  They just really give me the heebee jeebies.  I know I’m not alone in this.  Just ask my brother (who lives with a clown lover  - wait, that sounded bad – I mean, she’s a big fan of clowns.  collects them in fact.)  Just ask me how many times I’ve been in her “clown room”.  This particular clown looks a little perplexed.


Corn.  It’s not actually that bad but it still weirds me out a little.  Just sayin’.  


Lisa thinks: That cat looks pissed. . . maybe it's the cat of the angry twins. I just don't get the "talk" frame head thingy. Not sure if you put someone's picture in there if you are flattering them or not! Stop with the clowns, Carmen. You know I'm scared of them!! I actually like the corn. It's cute. . . no beat-out eyes, no bad hair day and not a sign of alopecia (however you spell that- I'm not the nurse here). He could live at my house!

Kim says: Ya, thats a good one Lisa about the pissed off cat,  I want a pissed off cat living here like I want...(fill in the blank...another husband? more children? more LAUNDRY?!)

Whack-A-Wedding

And our favorite person of the week is…Kelly!!! Why?!?! She sent us our next reader submission. (seriously, we thrive on this sort of stuff)
So Kelly O. from Lincoln, Nebraska writes: These pinatas were, ummm, interesting. Why would anyone want to beat the bride and/or groom with a stick? Maybe it's a tradition, like mushing cake into each other's faces. Still. No.

Lisa thinks: These are probably actually for AFTER the wedding. . . they probably don't actually let the wedding guests beat the crap out of these things. It's like that saving-a-piece-of-cake-for-your-anniversary tradition, except you would probably not use these in celebration. So it's like this: "I'm so sick of Chris leaving his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor- he KNOWS where the hamper is. What to do with my anger?! Oh yeah!!" *Lisa goes into the deep dark depths of the basement and searches out the pinatas only to find the bride pinata missing- guess who p*@$%d who off first?!* But that's just my guess at it. . .

Kim says:  First thing – what exactly comes OUT of this pinata after you break it?

Kim also says:  I think this pinata is for the bridesmaids and groomsmen.  I can just picture it “thanks you (whack) for making me buy (whack whack) a $300 puce green dress (whackity whack) that makes me look fat!  (whacking frenzy!!) 

Carmen thinks: I would really love to know the history behind this one.  Like how this ended up here in a thrift store.  This was sitting around in someone’s basement at one time then dredged up and donated.  Did the wedding fall through?   Did someone buy/make it for a divorce party?  Was it meant to be a souvenir but those giant blue eyes and cookie cutter smiles were just too spooky?   Whatever the history, I’m willing to bet this will sit on a shelf for a long long time.  Maybe we should buy it, fill it with little tiny bottles of champagne then put it out of it’s misery and celebrate!!!

Questionable Retro Wall Decor Part 2 – Virtues (and squirrels??)

Of these four items, we found Charity first, by itself as it fell off a shelf. Then, the next shelf over, we found the rest taped together as a set. Looking at this set, I wonder 2 things: How do the squirrels tie in and secondly, look closely at the boy in all the other pictures. What exactly is he doing? Maybe it's just my twisted little mind, but it seems to me there's something going on with him and those wooden letters.








Kim says: Huh - you're right, he's always hiding behind something! hee hee!

Lisa thinks: His "innocent" eyes don't cover up what he might be doing, either!

Things You Don’t Want To Find At a Thrift Store - (part 2)

So, we’ve recently rehashed things you don’t necessarily want to buy at a thrift store. Also, on the top of my list in this category is personal care products. Unless they are new unused, sealed, undamaged and part of a display of a certain brand in a thrift/general goods store – people should not sell personal care products in a thrift store. (gets off her soapbox)

In conclusion of today’s rant – I give you our daily exhibit of “oh hell no”



Lisa thinks: Inappropriateness (is that a word?) aside. . . who the hell names these things? Sweet Love douche? Seriously. Sweet love is the first thing I think of when I hear the word "douche". Yikes.

Kim says: Good grief - the box has been OPENED! OK - I'm done shuddering now...but I can't seem to unclench my teeth!

Lisa -I second the sentiment on product naming.  I just hope they paid that dear girl well for her image on this box.  Anyone who agrees to be the “Sweet Love Douche Girl” deserves a nice paycheck.   Hey Kim – did you see the one on the left?  Apparently an unopened box will cost you a whole penny more.  Not that it makes it any less “ewww” -C

Split in Two

When I first noticed this guy, I wondered what it was that he once held in his hands. That, and why his legs look painfully merged together.



Then I tried to pick him up.



His bottom half looks freakishly feminine now, doesn’t it?
Now I can’t get the Stone Temple Pilots song Creep out of my head. (“oh I’m half the man I used to be”)

Lisa thinks: The first picture makes it look like he's pooping. Maybe they should have made a tree for him to hide behind, too. The fact that anyone would design this man and then think, "let's cut him in half and put some cologne or something in him" is creepy. And then, for someone else to actually purchase him, take him home, rip his body in half and splash on some sweet-smellies is even worse. Sorry about your luck, dude.

Kim says: Hee hee hee hee...sorry the visual just cracks me up!

Freaky Feathers

It was odd enough for me to imagine that a “feather ball” would make good decor, but when I saw it was molting – it rose to a whole new level of awful..



$1.98???? Are you freaking kidding me?? Who prices this stuff. We need to talk!  (and total flashback with the “gummy nerds” cup on the right.  I totally forgot they ever made those.  Proof that some things shouldn’t be “gummy” I guess)



Lisa thinks: Maybe some maniac would put this together in a grouping with the alopeciated (?) hedgehogs. That's what I would do if I were psycho.

Kim says: Can you imagine having a bunch of these grouped together as "decor" - oh, even better, can you imagine someone else having a bunch of these grouped together as "decor" and yelling at their kids to leave the feather balls alone... cause this person thought they were PRETTY?! Geez - you could write a whole novel just thinking about this stuff... or a police record...

The Haunting – part 2

Ever since our original post about "The Haunting" I have been seeing these faces EVERYWHERE and that’s all I can think about now when I see them.

For reference – a still from the movie: (creepy little faces)



Our finds:





Say what you will about these angelic cherub figures – but all I see is those creepy little faces. If you don’t know what I’m talking about – check out our very first post. Or watch the movie – although that isn’t necessarily recommended.

Lisa thinks: It's the eyes. When did we get so lazy we think collecting things that don't have eyes painted on them is ok? Even if they are angel or cherubs or whatever. How do they know to save you/help you/etc if they can't even SEE you?

Kim says: We should shop with eye stickers in our purses and give the poor little creepy suckers some eyes!

Carpeted Clock

Lisa thinks: Thanks for the close-up of the stains, Carmen. Eww!!!

I don’t think I want to know how one gets stains in the carpet of their clock. (shudder)  -C

Kim says: This just cracked me up when I saw it. At first glance I thought "nice clock...where would I put it?" Then as I'm pondering if 44 clocks is too much for one little house my brain registered the carpet! Whoa - if they were trying to match it to the decor...my mind conjures up a carpeted wall...Uff-Da!

Makes Me Want to Put One of These in My Kitchen. Or not.

 

There are a lot of different decorative elements one could put in their kitchen.  There are even a lot of things in jars that are cute in a kitchen.  So why, WHY would someone choose this? – it’s actually pretty huge – filled with what appears to be urine and sediment with a leaf and twig to spice things up.  ugh. -C

Lisa thinks: This could be a weight-loss tool. It sure would make me want to puke every time I looked at it.

WHY do I continue to be compelled to shake things up that really should be left alone.  First the sludge and now this.  WHEN WILL I LEARN!! -C

Kim says: Blech blech blech...

Matchmaker Matchmaker make me a match….

A while back we found this lovely fellow all by his lonesome….



Then, just days ago, we found this lovely lady and thought we should hook them up!



It’s a match made in coconut heaven.

Lisa thinks: He's way too hot for her. Really.

Kim says: ha ha ha - hee hee hee he's way too hot for her...that's FUNNY!

It's true! He has a very scholarly look about him that makes him distinguished. . . she just looks like a coconut bimbo :)

Things You Don’t Want To Find At A Thrift Store - (part one)

I can think of lots of things you wouldn’t want to get at a thrift store.  In fact, we’ve posted about them before, here and here.  But we keep finding them – so we might as well keep posting them.  I’m all about reusing and recycling, don’t get me wrong, but some things should just be put out of their misery after their first life.




Kim says: All I can hear in my head is music - you know - BOOM BOOM CHICA WOW WOW - yes, I'd admit my mind went straight into the gutter... ewwww

Burning the Midnight Scum

Although I appreciate the nostalgia that goes along with this style of lamp – the scum pretty much turned me off. (shudder)







Lisa thinks: Burning the Midnight Scum. . . Carmen, you slay me!! I'm wondering if it smells as bad as it looks!? Ha!

Kim says: Geez - how old is that thing anyways?! Hey we should have bought it! It's probably a REAL ANTIQUE!

Craptastic!

So we’ve been hashing this around for a while and thought we should add in a new regular feature.  All of you crafty thrift store shoppers know that you can find stuff that just needs a coat of paint or for the more ambitious – a total make-over to make it fabulous.  We here at Thrift Store Horror are constantly scanning the shelves for materials, inspiration and random stuff that we can breathe new life into with a little elbow grease.  As you know, we thrive on getting stuff from you – our delightful readers, so, if you have ever  worked your own magic with any sort of thrift store item– we would love for you to share your project for us to feature here and we’ll show you what sort of creative mischief we’ve been up to as well.     -C

Miscellaneous Hockey Decor

I’m a fan of Hockey. Maybe it’s because I come from “up north” or maybe it’s because there’s something inherently sexy about hockey players (imho) but I’m not necessarily a fan of these random hockey decor items





I think it’s the eyes. They kind of creep me out.

Lisa thinks: Is it the hair that is so sexy on hockey players? You know- their mullets?! Anyhoo. . . the moose guy isn't so bad, but the hockey puck- really do we need to make knick knacks out of anything and everything. Seriously- it's no wonder everyone has so much shit these days. "I like this" and "I like that" turns into producing all kinds of crazy-ass things that NO ONE needs!! Yes- I feel better now! And, after taking a second look, I'm agreeing with the creepy eyes. . . or maybe he just crapped his pants. . . or got a hockey stick stuck up his you-know-what. Just sayin'

Kim says: I just loves me a good mullet - brings me right back to my youth! (I think I even had a mullet at one time!) That first one would be kinda fun to actually use in a hockey game sometime. Can't you just imagine smacking him with a stick?!

Happy Cows

As a “northerner” I’ve grown up thinking the best cheese came from Wisconsin. Then the “Happy Cows Come From California” ad campaign came about causing confusion among dairy consumers everywhere.
These cows look happy (and a little manic). You tell us where you think they’re from…

Lisa thinks: You should question whether or not you are drinking milk if you get it from these lovebirds. . . and yes, Carmen, manic is a good descriptor!

Kim says: All I know is that I wanna live where they live! What kinda "grass" are they eating???

aarggh

I you are reading us in reader, please forgive our time warp.  Blogger and I were having a disagreement and it decided to rebel by posting into the future.  (That's what I get for doing this quick on my lunch break and not taking the time with Live Writer like I usually do.)

Now, back to your regularly scheduled chaos.

Further Proof that Clowns are Creepy

As the saying goes… “you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”. That’s pretty much how I feel about clowns. (If you’ve been reading a while, you know how I feel about clowns ) So I could very easily say, You can put a scary ass clown in a plant, but it’s still a scary ass clown! (shudder)

Lisa thinks: A clown is a clown is a clown and this one is even more repulsive than the others thanks to it's location. You walk by and think, "Look at the pretty. . . shit!! A clown". Sneaky little bastard. On another note, this photo scared me even more when I realized that is my PASTY WHITE hand holding the pot. I clearly need to get more sun. . . it looks like I have a white latex glove on. Come on, summer, get here soon!!

LOL!!  Still laughing at the “look at the pretty…shit!! A clown!” bit.   You totally channeled Mitch Hedberg there for a moment (and you KNOW how much I loves me some Mitch Hedberg)  -C

Scowling Twins

 

One of the best places to find wacky stuff at thrift stores is in the knick-knack department.  On this particular occasion, I spotted these two glaring at me from the back of a shelf- hiding amongst other knick-knackery.  They look PISSED!!


I can’t blame the original owners one bit for getting rid of these.  I don’t think I would be able to sleep well in my house knowing these two were on my shelf, like they would spring to life at night and attack me while I slept.   I kinda feel bad for whoever they’re so pissed at.  They look like they’re gonna mess someone up!

 

Kim says: I think someone just took away their candy...and they ARE gonna GET IT BACK!

Lisa thinks: . . . or suck our brains out through our eyeballs. These two ARE NOT happy!

READER SUBMISSION – Bipolar mask

W00t! Our first reader submission! Jodi S. you are full of awesome.
I can’t imagine wanting to hang this on my wall. It’s a little unnerving. Like he’s confused about how he feels. It makes me think that someone could have this mounted on their wall as a daily mood predictor. They’d get up, spin it, and find out if they were going to have a good day or a crappy day.


Lisa thinks: Masks are NEVER ok. That's all. . . and have a happy night;)

Another “Oops, I Crapped My Pants” Moment

Need I say more??

Kim says: That caption sounds right...and he's hoping nobody notices...

Lisa thinks: His orange leisure suit IS pretty swanky. . . almost makes you wanna forgive him for his "issues".

Clowning around

You may recognize today’s post from a viral email that’s been circulating for a while now.  He looks a little depressed.  Maybe because he lost his cactus?? 

The photo as you may remember it from the email.

Kim says - I swear I would have bought one of these...they are just so WRONG...but would totally make me giggle.

Questionable Retro Wall Decor Part 1 - Sports

In our thrifting adventures, we have come across an disturbing trend.  Retro Wall Decor.  We’ve encountered so many of these that we’ve had to break them up into sections. 

This kid looks like he would love to smack you in the face with his basketball.  Maybe its the evil arch to his eyebrows, or his mischievous grin, but I’d look out for him if I were you. 

Exhibit two: Whose arm does that?  That looks so uncomfortable. 

Kim says: OK - these are just weird. I wonder what my kids would say if I brought these home and tried to hang them on their wall? They would think I lost my mind!